X-Men: Apocalypse

Seduced by visions of billion-dollar sales, the people at Fox applied a Marvel-esque concept, and the result is a director's genocide of his own children. It consists of rejuvenating detailed heroes with interchangeable faces and letting them fly thoughtlessly among digital backdrops. Yet Singer forgets about his main asset - strong characters - meaning that there is a complete lack of attachments, motivations, and, heaven forbid, tension. The viewer is thus left with a producer film that perfectly hits its target audience for a hundred and fifty minutes (it's not boring for even a second), but one that also sells its own soul (key moments are alternated from the past) and leaves the broken hearts of fans of what has laboriously redefined the comic book genre for sixteen years to die in agony. (18/05/2016)

Days of Future Past was already a harbinger of future total shit and incomprehensible creative decline, and, unfortunately, Age of Apocalypse is full of that. All the things we loved about the X-Men – the characters, the relationships, the connection to reality – are missing here and have been replaced by the classic comic-book elements of Marvel: a CGI mess and a constant change of locations that is supposed to evoke a sort of build-up of the plot. There are only a few really good scenes that will resonate though – primarily almost everything with Fassbender and a minute of Wolverine, unless you count Jennifer Lawrence in a sexy purple costume, or a few nice visual effects that just copy what we've seen better/more sparingly used in previous episodes. The gamble on youth didn't pay off and neither did the super villain, who, surprisingly, wants to destroy the world – something we haven’t seen yet. (11/09/2016)

I didn’t lose any hair from it, but if I could erase this film from my memory, I'd do it immediately. It's nice that Singer doesn't use the joke about a threesome in a film where nothing really works. But compared to this mess, it looks like the work of a demigod. I experience the greatest moments of regret and helplessness in the character of Eric, for whom Singer and the rest prepared one of the worst rebirth scenes ever seen in comics (The Birds meets Polish Robin Hood). The casting of the new faces had to take place under the slogan "find the actor with the least amount of charisma". The crown is set by the "red jewel" of the film, the new Jean Gray, who resembles the bullied Mana from high school. One can't even feel bad for Oscar Isaac, because his mask allows him only one grimace (an angry overbite). What next? A bloated runtime that reflects the problem of many other blockbusters - they are awkwardly looking for an alibi for the final battle, in which the characters behave according to mysterious mechanics. Not that you can't justify the twists in retrospect, but the thin manure beforehand doesn't justify it. I'm glad Wolverine got his forest jogging - I wanted to run with him and leave the stuffed dogs far behind me. If only the film rewarded me with a spoiled visual, but almost everything here feels artificial. Remember how the other X-Men built a world that mattered? Characters who carried stories and weren't just hangers for super-abilities? Here, there is only effective enchanting - a fart transforms into an even bigger purple fart. I firmly hope that Bryan has finished building his shapeless pyramid for good. (07/01/2017)

The last instalment, which was about alternative pasts, realities, futures and future pasts including the past future, annoyed me so much that I didn’t even feel like watching the next instalment called Apocalypse. I was discouraged by the fact that the whole universe around the X-Men is awfully asymmetrical and has no logic in it. In addition, the two-and-a-half-hour footage is also not easy to swallow. Especially since when hearing the word X-Men, I currently think of a number of swear words. Nevertheless, I gave Apocalypse a chance and I must admit that I was very pleasantly surprised. While the director does not bother with the logic of the story and feeds the audience with one nonsense after another, it does no harm to the relatively simple premise, and at least it allows the individual characters to develop, which is nice. There is a significant number of them. I consider the scene where Quicksilver saves the whole academy in slow motion to be the highlight of the movie. It was truly flawless, and it was then that I realize that this instalment is not actually bad at all. Until then, I was quite undecided, because this film definitely doesn’t interest you with the story. And that’s the whole point. In the end, I realized that I was not into the story at all, but rather into the individual characters, which really surprised me and pleased me at the same time. Finally something from the comic book world that I care about. Let’s just hope that they won’t disappoint the next time, as my feelings after X-Men: First Class were pretty similar… (07/04/2017)

Let's face it: this movie isn't very good, but then again, I wasn't bored. Granted it had scenes where I'm not sitting in the cinema but at the PC, so I'm stomping them because their bullshit was unlistenable; on the other hand, it had a scene I'd like to see again, which of course is the one with the great music and the "express train". There's not much to say about the acting, the actors didn't really stand out, the story was kind of rubbish, but the music managed to draw you in. It's a heavy middling film that surprisingly didn't bore me too much; I only had to roll my eyes about three times. :-D Get over how illogical it was that a bunch of Polish workers could speak English (since we're on location and speaking a foreign language, let's play it to the hilt!), or that one randomly shot ordinary arrow (which wouldn't have a metal tip!) kills two birds with one stone, and it's a nice movie for an evening when you come home from work and just want to be entertained. 55%. (19/05/2016)