The Expendables 3

This film has the most imaginative and technically proficient action (Hughes is as spectacular as in the 1980s and at the same time crisp and clear as is appropriate thirty years later), the funniest newcomers (not the youngsters!), the most luxurious villain (yeah, Mel's to blame, but damn it, take it easy on him already, he's in his prime), and sadly, the most boringly conceived plot (it's not much more than an amusement ride and the second film sorely lacks self-deprecation). (08/08/2015)

This movie is so terribly gay that if I were to unexpectedly walk into one of the RVs some night during filming, I believe I'd collide with an Italian Stallion clinging his powerful lips to the shaved nipple of a cute giggling Terry Crews, with Austrian-eyed Arnold rubbing a cigar on Statham's naked buttocks and Kellan Lutz with his pink lips behind the camera shooting the whole thing. The downgraded access to a PG13 rating has, among other things, traded blood for cold man sweat, and thanks to motivational bullshit like a gym coach, we suddenly have not an action movie in front of us, but a classic prepubescent muscle show for young Leo Beráneks. Logically, then, the best action scenes here are the skillful Banderas and Ronda, because they at least pretend to have some choreography. I don't think that the lower level of accessibility automatically reduces the functionality of the action scenes, just that for this action and the forms the filmmakers have chosen for it to it take (knives, machetes, close-range shooting), it doesn't work. Not even the LazyTown-esque special effects help. And as for Stallone and his old-man dragging of pensioner's dilemmas into an action movie, all I can say is "Sly, go to Pelhřimov. They have a crematorium there. Take a good look around. See what you're getting into." Actually, the whole thing reminded me of a pub owner I met recently who, when asked what kind of beer they had, said, "We’ve got Budvar. But I wouldn't have any." (07/12/2014)

The second one is just so good and has such great lines that the third one can't compare. It lacks Chuck Norris and a bit better interaction between the characters, those young ones are a bit unnecessary here, on the other hand, it would probably be even more boring story-wise. It's stretched out in some places, but when it comes to action, it's great, just there's not enough blood. Yes, I was expecting a little more, but for me, it's still a great spectacle that I enjoyed. The feelings are not like after the second one, but I'm still looking forward to the fourth part and I hope it comes. (14/08/2014)

Sly's scripted assurance that old geezers are still better than young inexperienced kids is actually enough to make me happy. I could have done without the gender emancipation element in the form of an invincible warrior in a skirt (the director should have explained to her that a perpetually scowling face would not make her a tough brawler), but on the other hand, Banderas was pleasantly delightful in his self-deprecating role delivered like a ferret on speed. The fact that the young ones lack any charisma at all is actually good, it makes the personality of the old action stars stand out all the more. And the final action-packed 20-minute set-piece finally brought it up to a very close 4*. I have to laugh at some of the criticisms here (as well as like-minded reviews on news sites) to the effect that the Expendables 3 "is all about shooting". What else did you expect from a pure action franchise scripted by a man named Sylvester Stallone? A Kantian reflection on the meaning of existence and the universe? (13/08/2014)

After two years, I was finally able to meet up with this gang once again. The members might have changed a lot, but I’m okay with that. Wesley Snipes and Antonio Banderas were an amazing addition to the old crew and so the fun began. What was a little worse were the young actors who were difficult to get used to – well, I didn’t manage to do that and I’ll be happier if they weren’t there the next time. But maybe they’ll convince me that they’re worth it the next time, because this time, they couldn’t convince me due to the movie’s only real flaw: there’s loads of actions scenes, but you’re never able to grasp them enough to say that they were any good. I wouldn’t call the camera shaky, I just felt that the editing sucked. A lot. And that influenced the entire movie, which is why I can’t rate it with five stars. Because everything else was a total classic, it was what I wanted and what I was looking forward to. The scenes with Sly, Statham, Snipes, Banderas, Lundgren and Ford were priceless, too, just like Mel Gibson who has also become the best Expendables villain yet. We’ll see what they do next. I’m just hoping that the camerawork gets better and that the DVD rip won’t leak a whole month before the cinema premiere. Then it really makes me sad that the so-called action movies fans on this website download the movie, critique it, but won’t support their favorite actors at the cinema. I went to the cinema at the day of the Czech premiere and the movie already had over 2000 reviews! Go to hell, this gang doesn’t deserve that and they’ll go south if things continue like that. But go ahead and call yourselves “fans”. Oh, and by the way – you won’t believe how happy I was to see the Expendables drinking Czech beer. It was an outright joy. It’s a shame that the brewery won’t even brag about it properly. (15/08/2014)