Alien: Covenant

Ridley Scott is going crazy in his old age and so he’s trying to squeeze as much as possible out of his child – the Alien. Because I don’t really get the new Alien trilogy starting with Prometheus. Sure, the first one was a bit interesting, but the Covenant is not only stupid, it’s outright a copy of the first Alien. Why? And don’t even get me started on the CGI that sometimes looks like it’s made by a below-average Nigerian IT student. The Covenant is downright stupid and has no redeeming qualities in terms of the Alien saga. (19/05/2018)

After the light-footed The Martian, I assumed that Scott's age is just a number that comes from subtracting the number on his ID card from the number on the calendar, so I wouldn't blame it on senility. Rather (and this is worse), I attribute it to creative indiscipline and an overgrown ego that has become a tumor of a uniquely creative mind that neither respects the canon nor offers a new approach. The opening is confusing and the characters have no background, so we're following a group of really, really stupid assholes. The plot is very transparent, with the banal (the bloody mess) taking precedence over what is in fact really interesting - and in terms of the development of the series - more important (the creature). Scott wants to impress, but the character of David could stand in for Kryten in Red Dwarf, so instead of holding your breath, you're both laughing and cursing through your teeth. Visual variety, Scott's long-standing asset that has saved many a film, is also absent, with this often looking like a more expensive episode of Stargate, which is the level where the rest of the film actually belongs in terms of its quality. PS: Kurzel's audio is a dark nervous fantasy that the film is not worthy of. (14/07/2017)

Enjoyable shit!! Covenant has a slightly longer run-up than I would have liked and the opening isn't very engaging, but anyway, the 15-strong crew makes it clear from the start that the horror viewer is not going to be short of a high body-count, and it isn't. As soon as the crew sets off to visit a new planet, a densely atmospheric, juicily brutal (finally a decent use of the R-rating), visually arresting and at times goosebump-inducing inferno begins, and it doesn't let up until the climactic finale, which lasts around half an hour and meets the strictest criteria of a true horror fan. Michael Fassbender and Katherine Waterston are absolutely amazing, the white xenomorph is one of the most attractive creatures I've ever had the opportunity to see on screen, Baby Alien and the unexpected final denouement are also satisfying. Overall, it's got decent balls especially when the Alien is rampaging on screen. If it wasn't for the slower opening, I'd go for the full score. Nerds and nitpickers will probably grumble, others might be satisfied. Interesting fact: one old man was so turned on to the alien that he had to see it even at the cost of not being able to walk. Apparently, he wanted a repeat of the theatrical opening like 38 years ago. Story 8/10, Atmosphere 9/10, Gore 8/10, Visuals 10/10, Action 8/10, Suspense 8/10,Humor 2/10. Entertainment 8/10, Scares 3/10. 85%. (15/05/2017)

A film where someone alternately screams hysterically in confusing scenes and alternately philosophizes about the issues of the space game show quiz in far too clear shots. Everyone behaves so erratically that the Prometheus crew reminds of professors of logic on a trip to the land of the eight-way. After a totally WTF birth scene, I decided that Alien had just died for me. One star for Franco's compression without having to utter a bare sentence on board. That is the right decision. The only one. (15/05/2017)

Nope. Ridley Scott didn't make another Alien, he made another Prometheus. And what didn't work in the first one still doesn't work here, and maybe even more so. The characters are even duller, half of them are practically there just to die, and there's really no personality to speak of. On top of that, Katherine Waterston is an utterly insipid and unimaginative female lead. And unfortunately Ridley has this whole boring bunch babbling, sniffing things on an unknown planet, getting lost, splitting up and dying in such an undignified way that the word "cliché" doesn't even begin to describe it. Scott is still trying to make a movie with transcendence; philosophical, religious and thought-provoking, but again, the whole thing is dull at best and usually laughable, just like the villain David. It doesn't work as a horror film, it doesn't even want to do much, and the whole thing felt like a movie in which the aliens appear more or less only because it can't be called Prometheus 2. What you love about Alien, you don't get here. Because the senile Scott is going head to head with the wall and has probably decided to finish his Prometheus saga despite the fact that nobody really wants it. (16/05/2017)