Jupiter Ascending

Sometimes it's sad to see how a perfect-looking blockbuster can crumble into smaller and smaller pieces with each scene. What starts with the absurd scenes with the Russian family the script calmly continues with random scenes without no explanation of bizarre names, theories, and memories, and it absolutely triumphantly concludes with Eddie Redmayne in a perfectly annoying acting role in front of a pre-embalmed corpse that cannot produce a single comprehensible sentence. Lana and Lilly Wachowski should be glad that Channing Tatum smoothly switched to air skating, because without his aerial antics in the final fiery inferno, the rating would unquestionably drop into even more terrifying places. (05/02/2015)

The film was visually impressive, but that's about where the positives end. The terrible script created a storyline devoid of logic, defying the laws of physics, resulting in a chaotic compilation of moving pictures. Casting Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis in the lead roles didn't help much either. It seems like the target audience might have been children under ten, who are used to gaming violence and might appreciate a story involving flying shoes. Despite the overwhelming CGI action, I'd describe the film as a boring mess. / Lesson learned: Want to be an enthusiastic toilet cleaner? Become the owner of Earth. (20/06/2022)

This is bad, bad. The story is so stupid and without ideas... Lana and Andy just played that it will all look great, which it does, but it didn't impress me. Their "Matrix" was full of thoughts, sometimes so much that one got lost in it and it didn't work the best, but in this case it's just too empty and without any good idea. Yes, there is mythology created here, but what is happening here is simply too much of nothing. And Mila Kunis has a really annoying character here. (24/04/2015)

I was sort of hoping that the Wachowskis wouldn’t pour 200 million dollars into a black hole and so I’ve been ignoring the reviews around here before I watched the movie myself. I played it with excitement and within a few minutes, I got into a phase where I would have probably immediately turned it off if it weren’t for the beautiful space shots and effects, because the story is totally out of it. At first, the very first shootout reminded me of Star Wars, then the space scenes moved more towards Star Trek and then Channing Tatum popped onto the screen to explain that he’s a werewolf from outer space. It really couldn’t have been any dumber and I’ve never seen a more idiotic movie with such a high budget. (19/06/2015)

A film where, due to a completely dysfunctional narrative continuity, we often don't even know what awaits us in the next minute (which could be a big plus), but due to a catastrophically overstuffed and unbalanced script, bland characters and a chaotic depiction of everything from the setting to the motivations, we end up not caring about it. It’s hard to imagine a greater travesty that Hollywood, as a purveyor of expensive non-art entertainment with infinite expressive possibilities, from the visual to the aural, has ever produced or will. 20% (12/09/2015)