3DD!3

I laughed till my stomach was in knots. Right at the beginning, I realized I didn't remember a thing from the first part. Well, maybe Jason Statham was singing that happy song... So I was surprised to see something being mined in some kind of thermal fissure... a trench that's home to giant squid and bloodthirsty... iguanas? A good half of the film consists of goofing around under pressure (Statham just needs to breathe properly and he won't implode!) and bantering with Jacky Woo for the delight of the Chinese audience. Then the final romp on Fun Island is thoroughbred bloody fun. Statham harpooning a helicopter rotor blade takes on an almost Conan-like mythos. He announces something about dolphins, the credits, the song. Good for me.

The writing is two levels worse than Pizzolatto. The unsatisfying ending and the stilted linking with the first series are actually more distracting than enjoyable. The creepy atmosphere is solid as well, and the final reveal is quite original. Unfortunately a lot of the motifs are just for show and have no justification other than to create that creepy atmosphere. Too bad. An environmental point driven to awkwardness the moment the creators decide not to reveal what was the cool thing the guys actually found there. Jodie Foster plays an unlikeable wannabe badass, Kali Reis is pretty cool, but those face piercings probably didn’t feel too nice in the freezing cold. The family relationships and trauma were almost useless, and if Night Country had been a movie unrelated to True Detective, they would have done better. I think I'll put Matthew and Woody back on to fix my appetite.

Such nice people. Such a nice movie. I last played football in high school and I'm about as good a player as Michael Fassbender, but still, Taika Waititi's laid-back comedy worked wonders for me. The bizarre episodes of exploring American Samoa and the training montages are topped, unsurprisingly, by the first game. Cool Runnings but with football. But the best and strongest thing Next Goal Wins is not the comedy. At the half-time speech, the film switches gears for a moment and, thanks to Fassbender's strong performance, also hits you incredibly hard; it brings out the darkness and unexpected cruelty of the world. The only way to combat this is by enjoying life and trying to have fun, not by spinning in a spiral of self-destruction. I think that's what Waititi meant.

A great plot with a tedious delivery and a few final lapses in the logic of the world – the ending in the taxi in particular doesn't make sense. It should have been a bit shorter and should have avoided the safe route. I'd really like to read the comic (not out here yet) because I liked Si Spencer's “Constantine” a lot also thanks to of the great wisecracks and interesting twists.

A poorly made monstrosity with terrible attempts at acting from a silly script. It's not funny, it's not good. The final twist is unexpected, but it doesn't matter because by that point I hated all the characters.

That was bullshit. The plot doesn't make any sense, the effects are lousy in places, and the weird slow-motion spoils all the action. Tarzan comes across as bland to the point of being unlikeable, but it's not so much Alexander Skarsgård's fault as it is David Yates' dull direction that trips him up. The weird tree-running is eye-poppingly digital, as are the animals, and unfortunately not even Margot Robbie, who quite illogically spends her days in the Congo wearing a dress that doesn't even shine in the water, can save the day. Christoph Waltz as the villain is incredibly dull. I'm afraid Tarzan will be off the market for a long time.

An uninteresting visit to Oklahoma without any supporting idea, and it’s essentially pointless. Soulless. The inconsistency in the writing of the characters is almost frightening. For a while, Maya seems to want to liquidate Fisk's empire and no one wants to help her, then she doesn't want to liquidate the empire, but the same people tell her she has to. I still don't understand what the main character was up to, and her behavior towards her loved ones and the Kingpin lacks logic. Alaqua Cox's performance is odd, but I could only tell when she was angry and when she was confused. Vincent D'Onofrio plays his part, though the script doesn't make it easy for him. Charlie Cox doesn't have much to do and the action is alright. An incoherent mess, with no emotion and no point, and really weird dialogue.

A job with fishermen, family ties and some stolen drugs. Brian Helgeland used to be a guarantee of quality, but he hasn't been doing so well lately. This story about two stepbrothers, breaking the rules, and the price to pay has no traction. The first hour, which is purely about fishing + camaraderie/brotherhood with no substantial plot, could use a better driving force than the yowling Toby Wallace. The quirky dialogue and odd behaviour are realistic but quite boring. Then Tommy Lee Jones comes on the scene and saves the whole thing with his brooding fisherman who tosses in a bit of wisdom here and there and finally gives the film a satisfying point.

I found it more entertaining than the first one. I'm going to slightly overrate, because after the delays, the reshoots and the Amber Heard shit, it could have been a lot worse. James Wan delivers an entertaining romp that paces well, looks good, and that gave up any larger ambitions by the time it went to the editing room. Global warming being the fault of a black man with his head in a fishbowl and input from the UN it’s something I can’t consider ambitious, but a subversive attempt at comedy. The scenes with the baby, the cheeseburger and the cockroach, or the jogging are very good and make up for the over-seriousness that bothered me in the first one. Jason Momoa relishes the role and squeezes the most out of it. DC actually didn't end up doing too badly. “I am Aquaman!”

The visuals are top-notch, not only for a Czech film, but on a world scale. The shots of the futuristic Prague must warm the heart of every Czech. Awesome cinematography by Filip Marek, plus a dramatic score that mimics a weaker Zimmer, and a pretty decent story that makes sense and is coherent. Unfortunately, though, to its detriment, the film is overcomplicated, terribly talky and doesn't bring much that's revolutionary, plus the twists are like from a film school. It’s like a crime TV-show but set in the future. The uneven cast and the little action show the limits that should be the focus for next time. Robert Hloz, however, did an incredible job and hats off to him for making it. Ironically, the "terrorists" were the most interesting.