Goldbeater

Roar has been described as ‘the most dangerous film ever made’ (in terms of production) and is a bizarre freak of a film written, produced, and directed by Noel Marshall, who together with Tippi Hedren wanted to draw attention to the violation of animal rights concerning majestic African beasts and their boundless hunting. However, Marshall’s approach and determination to shoot this work were almost manic – the production was so dangerous that only his family members could be persuaded to act in the film – and they, including other members of the crew, suffered multiple injuries during filming and it is surprising that none of them died. The plot is basically irrelevant and it is clear in every shot that the beasts didn’t behave as expected and no real directing was possible, so the plot is sporadic, the shots are often unsuccessful and the editing is intrusive. Even so, the viewer has to devour the whole film from beginning to end with their mouth open and perceive every physical and mental tremor of the actors on the screen, because they really couldn’t be sure of anything and their fear is real. A bizarre and nerve-racking spectacle from a time when health and safety at work were not yet taken so seriously.

I recognise David Hemmings as an acclaimed actor, but that his directing skills may have been slightly overestimated, yet somehow he was allowed to make the most expensive Australian film at the time –The Survivor. The large budget allowed for an international cast (although Joseph Cotten wasn’t used to his full potential in my opinion) and one effect-rich plane crash scene, around which the rest of the film revolves. The theme in many ways and the overall idea is very reminiscent (do not click on the link if you have not seen The Survivor) of this American horror classic of the ’60s. As a result, there’s nothing much new under the sun, but as a taster, it’s fairly decent, especially thanks to the acting, mysterious atmosphere, and soundtrack by Brian May.

I went into it expecting a cheap but fun Alien rip-off. And in the first few minutes, my expectations were met – the beginning introduces a very tense and close atmosphere, and the exploration of the bowels of an abandoned ship is gripping. Early on, and quite unexpectedly, I was confronted with the now-classic scene of the bursting human chest, which rightly put the film on the video nasties list and left cinemagoers with some really unforgettable scenes. However, I’m only talking about the first quarter of an hour of the film – everything that follows is already drowning in the inability of the screenplay to build at least a bit of a thrilling and meaningful story, so for the rest of the film we get a plot aping a crime thriller, but that is almost reminiscent of a stupid and tired parody of Bond films with infuriating characters, and forget about the horror atmosphere, it’s just GONE.

An Evening of Edgar Allan Poe is practically based from start to finish on Vincent Price’s voice, appearance and charisma, as he recites four selected tales written by the American master of horror. Price was simply born for the gothic horror genre, and I couldn’t imagine a better reciter for Poe’s work.

Ethan Hawke is apparently seeking a "getaway" from the dumb scenario, however to no avail. And the awful visuals are not helping. The worst thing about this film, though, is the incredibly annoying and unlikeable Selena Gomez, whose acting skills are null – she was, for me, simply unbearable. The walk-ons by veterans like Paul Freeman or Jon Voight are not enough to save the day.

Despite its awful ranking on this website, Titanic is a quality flick. However, the sinking of the steamboat doesn’t take centre stage, most of the focus targetingthe ongoing drama between a select group of passengers (based on quite typical family issues). As for the catastrophe, it happens in the flick of an eye, within the last minutes (with a proper Hollywood explosion – oh well). Of course, Clifton Webb and Barbara Stanwyck’s very solid performances stand out, but against the factual reconstruction of the tragic events depicted in its (five-year younger) British successor A Night to Remember, this American version pales in comparison – despite its higher dedication to the character depiction.

Quite unknown in our lands, yet a very significant crime-thriller piece of Hong Kong cinematography and one of Tarantino’s main sources of inspiration for Reservoir Dogs. Some scenes, especially in the second half of the flick, were almost paraphrased shot by shot by Quentin. After A Better Tomorrow, Chow Yun-fat once again plays an incredibly tough role, this time as a secret cop infiltrating a gang of robbers (including the charming criminal Danny Lee). At the beginning, the film is perhaps hampered by a lengthy character exposure. Still, Ringo Lam frequently delights his audience with iconic action, sometimes even surprising us with some unexpected blood and morbidity (stepping into the grave) and a memorable finale that keeps all the fans of Hong Kong cinematography glued to their seats.

This documentary gives a complex picture of a charismatic tough guy and great character actor. The hour and a half are packed not only with interesting information about the life of ‘that guy Dick Miller’, but also with a rich cross section covering more than six decades of American (not only) low-budget films and the famous ‘Corman Film School’, most of its main representatives being interviewed. It’s definitely a valuable documentary for all Miller fans and cinema buffs alike. Having starred in more than 180 film roles (not counting those that didn’t get beyond the script stage), Dick himself then appears as a truly positive buddy of the old-school. The only bitter taste is coming from the realisation that this might be his last acting creation, due to his retirement. And in case it is, his final words with a mischievous wink is the best farewell Miller could possibly make.

The Thing with Two Heads could aspire to become a quirky cult flick, but it is strongly plagued by its absence of humour. Many descriptions of the film filed it under the genre of comedy, but in reality, it turns out to be quite the opposite. For the most part, it looks like it is meant as a serious science-fiction drama that contains only about two deliberately lighter scenes. And if you laugh at other times (namely, when Roosevelt Grier is seen running around with an artificial head on his shoulder), that was not what the creators intended. This mood inconsistency does the film a lot of harm, because the action is so sparse and stupid that the viewer soon loses interest and feels somewhat exhausted. Looking at Ray Milland and Roosevelt Grier’s gloomy and sweaty faces, it seems they had to endure a really painful shooting! The racism theme is only lightly touched upon for some reason, and there’s not much to expect from that side. Then, there’s that ridiculously excessive car chase. Maybe American International Pictures’ bosses wanted to add at least one action scene, and came up with that completely pointless and incredibly long and absurd police pursuit somewhere on a local meadow. After an hour and a half, one concludes that the plot didn’t go anywhere and that the characters didn’t evolve at all. Not mentioning the final slap in the face when you hear the gospel chant ‘Oh Happy Day’ – whaaat?!

A much more appropriate title would be ‘The Incredible Boring Man’ or ‘The Incredible Walking Man’, because all the titular melting astronaut is doing is to keep walking around 90% of the time, accompanied by a cyclic voice-over, which soon becomes very repetitive and soporific. As a result, the first forty minutes feel like they lasted two hours (moreover, it’s interesting to notice for how long this lad can keep melting, although his mass doesn’t seem to diminish). The absence of a plot critically harms the film, and the few imaginative murders at the end (like the spectacular fall onto the power line) combined with Rick Baker’s special effects are not enough to save the day, I’m afraid. All in all, this is a very poorly written piece of filmmaking which could have succeeded only as a silly black comedy; it was filmed in all earnest, however, which is unbelievable, since right from its title, the flick feels like a parody of the classic The Incredible Shrinking Man. Director Jonathan Demme appearing in a small role is one of the rare interesting moments in an otherwise utterly disappointing story.