Transformers: The Last Knight

That hurt. Transformers is really going downhill and it's one of the few franchises I've become sick of and I wish they wouldn't make another film. The two and a half hours drag on like a brick wall, Anthony Hopkins is annoying, the kids are uninteresting, the story is very flat, I have no idea what the hell was going on, the script is a mess, it's like the studio was scrapping and slapping in everything they could think of. There isn't that much action, and you watch the finale with an annoyed aftertaste and a sore ass. The only good thing is the opening battle with King Arthur, which had a hell of a lot of balls, and I really hope Michael Bay takes a break from the robots and serves us a proper medieval battle instead, where I believe he'd rip everyone's balls off. Unfortunately I didn't have much fun either, at least Isabel Moner was nice to look at. 45% (24/06/2017)

Digital Bayfest. Each shot could make great wallpaper. Tony Hopkins in cool slow motion strides toward Stonehenge to destroy Megatron, a metal dragon spewing fire, Bumblebee slaughtering Nazis, Optimus chopping off heads etc. a visual feast from start to finish. It’s just that it’s so exhausting to watch. No solid ground to grip on to, the storyline is confusing. It jumps from character to character. Actors roll off their lines, but say nothing to the viewer. The finale is probably the biggest caning ever in Transformers, but it’s so damn difficult to reach it. Even the TV cartoons thirty years ago made more sense. Jablonsky’s music however is awesome. He gave it his best. (28/06/2017)

Absolutely unnecessarily overcomplicated trash and the worst Transformers ever. Seriously. I liked the previous film, but this is not so much a jump as a fall down, which is not saved even by the special effects or action and it’s nowhere near as good as any of the previous films. This time people do not matter to the screenwriters or the director at all, the storyline is a downright parody (but unfunny)... And on top of that, it's awfully long. It’s too bad, I was expecting to have fun. (01/07/2017)

Michael Bay has finally eradicated even the last remnants of his greatest enemy: logic. He serves us a divine 151 minutes of eclectic spewing of unspoken / discontinuous motifs. This is finally an abstraction that was only in its infancy in the previous half-timing hypnagogic installation. A spectacular ADHD attack that begins at the end and then progresses to an admitted self-parody. At the same time, it contains the mutated bacteria of several films, which the director's feverishly working mind will never allow to overcome the embryonic stage and moves on. Bay's ability to move in the narrative chaos and find a robotic order in it is liberating to surreal. Finally! The first film that gives the impression that it was created by a combination of a random generator of trending motifs and a wonderfully ill human mind. It may seem like a recession on my part, but I mean it. Compared to Transformers 5, other blockbusters feel like a careful game of certainty. I couldn't tear myself away from this eruption of confusing, yet strictly arranged shapes; I wasn't bored for even a second. The best, most detached and strangest Bay film. I urge anyone who gives it five stars to call me on the secret line. I will pass them on silently to Witwicky. They are the people of the future. Or the people of a world that will never happen. Robots write human history and chat with John Turturro on Cuban beaches. All the power to imagination and Optimus! (22/06/2017)

The fifth outing of the Transformers is more spectacular, more over-the-top, more daring and more bombastic than ever before. Screenwriting-wise, it's again a solid piece of crap, but for once it's taken it up another level and pulls the Knights of the Round Table, Merlin and Stonehenge into the Transformers mythology, making it feel at times like a rip-off of The Da Vinci Code, National Treasure and their ilk. I was amused by a couple of scenes with the immortal butler, whereas with Anthony Hopkins I wondered all along if he even needed a similar role. The minor role of the returning John Turturro was mostly unnecessary. Overall, it was an audiovisual orgy with no soul that too often wallowed in opacity. Besides, by the end I was sick of the repetitive "I am Optimus Prime!" and all the other delicious lines that abounded throughout the film. I also resented the rather untapped potential of Quintessa. (06/09/2019)