Fifty Shades of Grey

A film with no plot, no emotion, and no attempt to evoke sympathy for characters that are never plunged into their controversial intimate relationship deeper than the writing of a superficial sexual contract, and only fool around a few times in a cool luxury mansion without any hint of an erotic atmosphere. This should have been given to Stanley Kubrick, whose Eyes Wide Shut, with its creative work with mise-en-scène and precise direction of the "horny" actors, kicks this pointless bullshit right in the ass. A pointless film without a single memorable scene or creative visual idea that would at least somehow spice up and highlight the routine action on the screen. Two stars solely for Dakota, whose acting is believable, and for two nicely done erotic scenes, which, if nothing else, at least aptly characterised the entire formal level of the film: something between an attempted artistic look at NOTHING and a superficial presentation of SOMETHING, which is only marginally glimpsed and will catch on at most as a useful tool for students at a film high school. 40% (10/10/2015)

I'll admit right at the beginning that I went to see Fifty Shades of Grey in the most ironic mood, because I thought it would be a good idea not to have a good time on Friday the 13th, and this film literally called for it, starting from what I heard from people who had read the book, to the numerous ads everywhere, to the first reviews here, all of which piqued my curiosity even more. I honestly expected this film to be much worse. In terms of the script, it was absolutely mismanaged. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I haven't read the book, so I don't know how things work there, but I had to laugh at some of the actors' statements, even if the scene in question was probably meant to be taken seriously, which it really wasn't. This impossible to ignore shortcoming was balanced, on the other hand, by a really great soundtrack – “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goulding played in my ears daily for at least a week before the premiere. At times it reminded me of a bad Twilight parody, which is actually a parody in itself, so let's call it a meta-parody. Nevertheless, I don't want to give it a Boo! rating, because there were several funny scenes, the music was perfect, and it wasn't actually as mindlessly erotic as one would expect. In short, a film that will earn its money at least through advertising and various promotional items, but will still draw lots viewers (at least female) to the cinemas, so despite its obvious mediocrity, this film will soon see a sequel. (16/02/2015)

So I watched it and surprising I don’t have the urge to trash this modern romance. In the end, this dumb (not as cute as in the Transformers) and senseless story comes to some conclusion. Quite surprising, if you didn’t watch the spoilers. It doesn’t even completely slip into an outright American Pie. In terms of actors, this a terrible bunch of unlikeable people, the only one who is sort of nice is (that pathologically disturbed) Mr. Grey. My girlfriend fell asleep after the first kiss and I dropped of when I thought that it must already be the end (about 10 minutes before it really ended). I finished watching on Labor Day. Everything taken care of now. P.S.: Elfman’s music was very pleasant. (01/05/2015)

A movie that starts five minutes before the end credits with the only scene that evokes any emotion. The rest is too Harlequin romance-like and shallow to engage viewers and allow them to relate to the characters in any way or to have any interest in observing the evolution of their “relationship”. Dakota Johnson’s acting is OK and natural. Jamie Dornan is not natural and his acting is reminiscent of Ben Affleck in Armageddon. And everything falls apart with him because his complicated and wannabe opaque character is supposed to be the core of the film, just as Sharon Stone was the core of Basic Instinct. Or at least I hope that the book is based on psychology and not flying helicopters and cars given as gifts. The contract negotiation scene shows the only spark of the director’s creativity in this gray, gray void. But it is irrelevant to the film as a whole. The most characteristic scene here is the one involving playing the piano after the loss of virginity… Personally, I was pleased by the answer “Me” to the question “And what will I get out of it?” Because I, ever impatient, never knew how to answer this particular question and always opted to move on to find a different, more experienced candidate. (17/02/2015)

I didn't have any preconceptions and I thought that it couldn't be as bad as they say. But it was. Two hours of shallow boredom revolving around a theme that tells me absolutely nothing and after watching it hasn't started to say anything and won't start to, plus a rather unsympathetic dummy in the lead role and his handsome, but extremely bloodless partner. However, on the other hand, I understand that Fifty Shades has found its audience and will continue to do so, because many people seem to crave such adventures. So please, go ahead, I won't disturb you in this game room. (26/07/2015)