Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

About halfway through, it was an excellent, brisk fairytale that made sense and delivered a refreshing joke here and there. Without any irony, it was fine. But from the moment Rey's origins were revealed, it magically became a horribly stupid, bizarre, clichéd, clueless piece of idiocy that would have been beautifully parodied by Monty Python if they still were around. I suffered like an animal, hiding my head in my hands and counting the minutes until the end of the second half. When Finn says "I can feel it.", I had a fit of laughter; not joyful, but despairing, disbelieving at what I was seeing and hearing. I can't believe the pervasive pathos in the ending is the work of someone as clever as Abrams, didn't he maybe suddenly go on vacation and let Emmerich take control instead? I can totally see the brainstorming session of Disney executives gathered around the table, panicking about how best to blow it so as to avoid the miserable box office results of the eighth installment (an excellent one, by the way, I still stand by that). That one at least offered a bold detour, took things in its own way and unfortunately stumbled. So Disney has cowardly negated the whole thing, stood it on its head, nonsensically incorporated old themes and characters, and the result is the proverbial stew cooked by a dog and cat that makes your tummy hurt, and not even charcoal will help you. (22/12/2019)

Disney reap what they sow, and it's not a pretty sight. Episode VII bet on nostalgia, so I've forgiven the new boring protagonists. Episode VIII took a different direction, but the studio found they didn't like where it went. So in Episode IX they try to fix everything from the previous film and we're with Rey, Kylo Ren, Poe and Finn for the third time and they're actually still utterly boring and empty characters. And now, as a viewer, I am supposed to be interested to see how they turn out. I just don't give a shit. J.J. Abrams isn't actually wrapping up a trilogy here, his main job is to clean up the mess that came from not knowing what they wanted at Disney. He may have done the best job he could, but that doesn't change the fact that whenever there’s no action and Rise of Skywalker attempts some emotion and relationships, it's awfully boring and annoying. The movie has no foundation to build on in that regard and out of desperation even has to make up new rules for how the world works. And yet it fails to evoke any emotion other than a sense of giant disappointment. The ninth Star Wars did succeed at something I didn't think could ever be accomplished. They stifled my enthusiasm for the franchise. I sure as hell hope not forever. (19/12/2019)

The 4 billion acquisition must be great, but it's also the most expensive funeral in history for a pop culture icon who, in his eagerness to please everyone, has stagnated in place, and is pathetically floundering in the shit that zero dramaturgy and auteurist belligerence got him into. When I looked at my watch after an hour, the question of whether something was about to happen was inevitable. And then the floodgates of pathos, platitudes, and the easiest solutions were raised, where someone should have hit the table at the writing stage and shouted that nobody could take such a shit seriously. Instead, it ended up on the screen. Johnson may have disrespected the canon and boldly relativized all that this religion entails. Abrams respects nothing and the result is a ridiculous nothingness that lacks good characters and cool moments, making it look like a generic Marvel movie - obviously expensive, colorful, frilly - but lacking passion and any iconic monument for future generations. Burn in hell, Disney, and all of you who have anything to do with it! (20/12/2019)

The interesting thing about the Star Wars franchise is that I'm not into it on its own, but if a spin off (Solo) or a series (The Mandalorian) comes out, I'm downright excited, which is pretty weird. Again, I wasn't entertained at all, I didn't care about the characters, I didn't like the action or the practical effects, so I suffered through the classic two hour martyrdom. Story**, Action**, Humor*, Violence>No, Entertainment*, Music***, Visuals***, Atmosphere**, Suspense*. 2/10. (19/03/2020)

An undeniable roller coaster, where you jump at such a speed throughout this universe that I don't even have time to stop, admire, or absorb the atmosphere of the new location or the old one. At the same time, this naturally means that there's nearly two and a half hours of shooting, fighting, or explaining, and you never get a chance to catch your breath. Fortunately, what you learn in between the jumps works for me. I've had a weakness for Reylo from the very beginning, so I swallow up the development of their relationship and abilities with enthusiasm, and I would like to see even more. More than ever, the rest are just a supporting cast for this couple, but fortunately, they are truly funny and imaginative, especially Poe, because it's clear that Oscar Isaac is really enjoying this role. I was most afraid of the return of the old familiar villain, who has had enough presence throughout the entire saga, but luckily his presence makes sense in tying it all together with the new generation of heroes, and in the end you see that with his involvement, the going gets more than just tough, and if the plan fails, it will be the end of everything. And while things sometimes work out too conveniently or quickly, or the main characters are helped out by chance (the Force), that's how it is in fairy tales sometimes, and Star Wars has been a fairy tale with princesses, knights, and swords for over forty years – and it saddens me that those who call themselves true fans, unlike me, have forgotten this beautiful fact. Fortunately, the dreamer J. J. Abrams has a noticeably better memory. (23/12/2019)